Disclaimer: The information in this article, “Who Cheats More, Men or Women? Understanding the Psychology Behind Infidelity,” is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to provide definitive conclusions or professional advice.
Who cheats more, men or women? Cheating in relationships is a topic that sparks countless debates and questions. While there is no absolute answer, it’s important to understand the psychology behind infidelity to have a better understanding of the issue.
This article explores why some people cheat, how society plays a role, and the importance of trust in relationships.
At Empathy Health, we know how important healthy relationships are for your mental health. We provide resources and tips to help you handle infidelity and build stronger connections.
Our goal isn’t to blame anyone or use stereotypes, but to help you understand cheating better.
What Is Cheating?
Cheating, or infidelity, is a breach of trust in a committed relationship, where one partner becomes romantically or emotionally involved with someone outside the partnership. This can take many forms, including physical affairs, emotional affairs, online interactions, or even excessive flirting.
Cheating can happen in two ways: physical or emotional. Physical cheating is when someone has a romantic or physical relationship with another person. Emotional cheating is when someone forms a close emotional bond with someone else that hurts their main relationship.
It’s important to note that definitions of cheating can vary depending on the type of relationship. For example, in an open relationship or polyamorous setup, boundaries and standards around cheating are based on the specific agreements made between partners.
Physical Cheating
Physical cheating involves engaging in sexual or intimate physical acts with someone outside of the relationship. This can include actions like kissing, cuddling, making out, or having sex. Even seemingly small gestures, like holding hands in a romantic way, can be considered physical cheating if they cross the boundaries agreed upon in the relationship. Physical cheating typically breaches trust by creating a level of intimacy that belongs within the partnership.
When Trust is Broken: Understanding Emotional Cheating
Sarah thought it was just another ordinary day. She grabbed her husband Mark’s phone to check something quickly—no big deal. But then, she saw a message from “Emily.”
Curious, she tapped it. What she found hit her like a punch to the stomach. Late-night chats, flirty conversations—this wasn’t just friendship.
Her heart raced. Was this real?
Tears filled her eyes. Her hands shook.
“Mark,” she said, holding up the phone. He froze. After a long, difficult talk, Mark admitted it was an emotional affair. Sarah felt anger, sadness, and betrayal. Could she ever trust him again?
Mark promised to fix things. “I’ll do whatever it takes,” he said.
But Sarah wasn’t sure. Could their love survive this? Or was this the end?
This is just one example of cheating. Some might say spending more time with a coworker than at home is cheating, even if it’s not physical. Experts call this emotional betrayal, proving trust can be broken in many ways.
Why Do People Cheat?
That’s a tricky question. Unlike solving 1+1=2, there’s no simple answer. Infidelity doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all explanation, but research offers some insights. Studies from the General Social Survey show that 20-25% of people in committed relationships admit to cheating at some point. So, why does it happen?
Here are some common reasons, organized into categories:
Emotional Reasons
- Low satisfaction in the relationship: A study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that many people cheat because they feel unfulfilled in their current relationship. This shows that dissatisfaction with emotional or physical intimacy is one of the top drivers of infidelity.
- Lack of communication or connection: Poor communication or emotional neglect can lead people to seek closeness and connection with someone outside the relationship.
- Seeking validation: Those who feel ignored or undervalued by their partner may look for attention and appreciation from others.
- Revenge or resentment: Unresolved conflicts and feelings of anger can lead to “payback” cheating, particularly when one partner feels wronged or betrayed.
Personal Reasons
- Personal insecurities: Unresolved personal issues, such as low self-esteem or past trauma, can manifest as behaviors that harm relationships, including cheating.
- Struggles with commitment: For some, the idea of exclusivity or long-term commitment feels overwhelming, leading to infidelity as a way to escape or avoid intimacy.
- Desire for novelty or excitement: A survey in the Journal of Sex Research found that 56% of cheaters cited a longing for excitement and novelty as their primary motivation. The thrill of something new can be a powerful draw.
- Lowered inhibitions: Alcohol and other substances often reduce judgment and increase risk-taking, contributing to impulsive infidelity.
Situational Reasons
- Opportunity meets temptation: Sometimes people cheat because they think they won’t get caught. Being around someone they find attractive, like at work or in a friend group, can make it more likely.
- Emotional neglect or growing apart: When couples grow apart because of stress, busy lives, or other changes, some might look for an emotional connection with someone else.
Why Is This Important?
Cheating has serious effects. It breaks trust, causes pain, and often leads to divorce. It can also trigger anxiety or depression.
Understanding why people cheat helps us build stronger relationships and fix problems early.
Are Men or Women More Likely to Cheat?
It’s a common myth that one gender cheats more than the other. While men and women may approach relationships differently, studies show cheating happens at similar rates for both.
For example, a Link Springer study found that 23% of men and 19% of women reported extramarital sex. Similarly, a survey by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy shows that 15% of married women and 25% of married men admitted to affairs. These numbers, while slightly different, highlight that cheating occurs in both genders at comparable rates.
Motivations for infidelity, however, can differ. Men are often driven by physical attraction or opportunity, while women may cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction or a need for connection. Understanding these differences offers insight into the dynamics of cheating.
Rather than relying on stereotypes, it’s crucial to focus on building trust, communication, and fulfillment—key factors in preventing infidelity for everyone.
The Psychology of Gender Infidelity
“They say men are more likely to cheat in relationships”.— but is that true? You see it all over social media: a woman crying, guys showing off other girls, or screenshots of cheating conversations.
Rather than focusing solely on who cheats more, it’s often more revealing to explore why infidelity occurs. Let’s open up the conversation, and break it down by gender to uncover the common motivations:
Why Men Cheat
Have you ever heard phrases like, “It’s normal for men to cheat” or “Oh, It’s just in their nature”? While these notions are commonly repeated, they lack any scientific foundation.
Through extensive research and in-depth client interviews, we identified several common reasons that drive men to cheat:
- Lack of Physical Intimacy. Some men cheat because they feel a lack of physical connection in their relationship. This could stem from a shortage of affectionate touch or an unsatisfying sexual connection. If this is something you’re dealing with, check out our article on how to get your wife to be more intimate for helpful tips.
- Wanting Something New. Some men cheat because they’re looking for new or different experiences.
- Boosting Confidence. Cheating might be a way to feel better about themselves, especially if they feel unappreciated.
- Avoiding Problems. Some men cheat to avoid facing issues in their relationship.
- Feeling Distant. Even though men are often seen as less emotional, feeling a lack of connection can also lead to cheating.
Why Women Cheat
Women tend to approach infidelity with a stronger emotional component than men. Common motivations include:
- Emotional Dissatisfaction. Women often cheat as a response to feeling neglected or disconnected in their current relationship.
- Seeking Emotional Connection. Unlike men, women are more likely to seek emotional intimacy and affection from an affair.
- Revenge or Retaliation. Infidelity might occur as a means to “get even” or retaliate against a partner who has hurt them emotionally or physically.
- Personal Fulfillment. Some women cheat as they seek validation or a sense of freedom they feel is missing in their current relationship.
What Men and Women Have in Common
Despite differences, many motivations overlap across genders:
- Lack of Communication. Poor communication creates misunderstanding and unmet needs, paving the way for infidelity.
- Unresolved Conflict. Lingering issues without resolution may lead individuals to seek comfort outside the relationship.
- Opportunity. Situational factors, like frequent proximity to a potential partner (e.g., co-workers), increase the likelihood of cheating.
- Substance Abuse. Alcohol or drugs can impair judgment and increase impulsive behaviors, including infidelity.
Struggling with trust in your relationship? Understanding infidelity can help build healthier bonds. Therapy offers tools to reconnect—learn more at Empathy Health Clinic.
Do Societal Factors Play a Role?
Who cheats more, men or women? Can it be answered with a simple gender comparison, or do societal factors play a larger role?
Looking at how these things shape cheating and what people think about it, there can be a basis.
Gender Roles, Changing Norms, and Inclusivity
Traditional gender roles have long influenced perceptions and behaviors surrounding infidelity. While societal expectations often excuse men’s cheating as “natural,” women may face harsher judgment. However, these attitudes are evolving, with growing awareness of relationship equality.
This change is also happening in LGBTQIA2S+ communities, where people are talking more about infidelity. These conversations challenge stereotypes and highlight how important respect and understanding are in every kind of relationship.
Attachment Styles and Infidelity
Attachment theory helps explain how early emotional bonds shape the way we act in adult relationships:
- Secure Attachment: People with secure attachment tend to trust their partners and feel comfortable with closeness, making them less likely to cheat. For example, someone who grew up with supportive parents might feel safe relying on their partner and staying faithful.
- Anxious Attachment: Those with anxious attachment often fear being abandoned. This can lead them to seek attention or validation from others outside the relationship, like flirting or forming emotional connections elsewhere.
- Avoidant Attachment: People with avoidant attachment often avoid deep emotional closeness. They might feel more drawn to others who don’t expect as much intimacy, which can lead to infidelity. For example, someone who struggles to open up might turn to a coworker who “just gets them.”
Both men and women experience these attachment styles, but they may express them differently based on their personalities or experiences.
Relationship Dynamics
When a relationship feels off balance, it can strain both partners. Maybe one person is always making the decisions, and the other starts feeling ignored. Or maybe communication has broken down, and neither person feels truly heard.
If couples stop spending quality time together, it’s easy for one partner to start looking for that connection somewhere else. That’s often how infidelity happens—when emotional or physical needs aren’t being met.
The Emotional Impact of Infidelity
Infidelity’s consequences extend beyond the act itself, affecting both the betrayer and the betrayed.
Psychological Fallout
- For the betrayed partner, infidelity can trigger feelings of anger, betrayal, and deep insecurity. Many experience depression or anxiety, with some displaying symptoms of PTSD.
- The betrayer often experiences guilt, confusion, or self-blame, particularly if the infidelity is impulsive or opportunistic.
Rebuilding Relationship Trust
Surviving infidelity depends on multiple factors:
- Honesty and open communication about the affair.
- A mutual commitment to rebuilding trust and improving the relationship.
- Seeking professional therapy for deeper relationships or individual mental health issues.
How to Prevent Cheating
While no strategy guarantees infidelity will never occur, certain practices can help strengthen your relationship:
- Open Communication: Regularly discuss concerns, needs, and feelings with your partner.
- Establish Boundaries: Agree on clear guidelines for what constitutes infidelity in your relationship.
- Foster Emotional Connection: Invest time in activities that bring you closer.
- Professional Support: Consider counseling or therapy to address recurring conflicts or deepen your relationship.
Moving Forward After Infidelity
Infidelity can be one of the hardest challenges in a relationship. It can shake trust and intimacy, leaving both partners hurt and confused. But it doesn’t always mean the relationship has to end. Many couples have found ways to heal and reconnect with the right support.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Couples therapy creates a safe space for both partners to share their feelings. A therapist helps you understand the reasons behind the infidelity and teaches ways to rebuild trust. They guide you through tough conversations that may feel hard to have on your own.
Restoring Closeness with Intimacy Therapy
Intimacy therapy, on the other hand, focuses on restoring emotional and physical connection. It helps couples reconnect on a deeper level and rebuild closeness. Together, these therapies work to heal the pain caused by infidelity while helping your relationship grow stronger.
The Healing Process
Healing takes time, patience, and effort. Trust won’t return overnight. But with dedication and the right support, it’s possible to move forward together. Forgiveness and understanding can pave the way to a healthier relationship.
Who Cheats More, Men or Women Doesn’t Matter Anymore.
As we wrap up the discussion, it’s clear that the question of who cheats more—men or women—is no longer the most important focus. It should be on understanding the reasons behind infidelity and addressing the underlying issues in relationships.
Finding the Right Help
If you’re seeking help, resources are available. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) connects people with licensed therapists.
Infidelity affects people of all genders and cultures. It happens for many reasons, including personal struggles or relationship issues. Instead of focusing on who cheats more, it’s important to understand why it happens and how trust, communication, and shared values can help prevent it.
If infidelity has affected you, counseling can help with the healing process. Taking the first step toward help can be the beginning of a stronger, healthier relationship.
