Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that millions of people worldwide face every day. It is a complex and often misunderstood condition, presenting a challenging emotional journey for those who experience it.
What many people don’t realize is that BPD isn’t one-size-fits-all. In fact, there are four subtypes: Discouraged, Petulant, Self-Destructive, and Impulsive. Each subtype comes with its unique challenges, and understanding where you or someone you care about fits (or maybe it’s a mix of subtypes) can offer powerful clarity. It’s about learning what makes you tick—and how to embrace healthier ways of coping and connecting.
This guide will explain the four subtypes of BPD, the traits of each, and how they may overlap. Whether you have BPD or want to support someone who does, this guide offers helpful information, support, and resources.
What are the 4 types of borderline personality disorder?
While each person with Borderline Personality Disorder experiences it somewhat uniquely, the concept of subtypes helps make sense of varying behaviors and coping mechanisms.
Mental health challenges, including personality traits that affect relationships and self-perception, often aren’t one-size-fits-all. For example, psychologist Theodore Millon identified subtypes of certain personality patterns to help better understand traits and actions. These subtypes aren’t meant to label anyone but to provide insight into their behaviors.
It’s also important to note that these categories are fluid. People can display traits from multiple subtypes depending on their circumstances, life changes, or triggers. This nuanced approach reminds us why individualized mental health care is so important for today’s young adults.
Let’s take a closer look at each subtype.
1. Discouraged BPD
Discouraged Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often marked by feelings of helplessness, codependency, and an intense fear of abandonment. Individuals with this subtype tend to internalize anger and blame, which can result in low self-esteem and pervasive self-doubt.
Why Discouraged BPD Develops
This subtype often stems from early experiences with inconsistent caregiving or environments where emotional needs were not met. To maintain relationships and avoid rejection or abandonment, individuals may have learned to suppress their emotions. Over time, this habit of internalizing emotions and self-blame can lead to the core characteristics of Discouraged BPD.
Common Traits of Discouraged BPD
- High dependency on others for emotional validation
- Deep fear of rejection or abandonment
- Anxiety and guilt about being a “burden” in relationships
- Suppressed anger that often manifests as depressive tendencies
Coping Mechanisms
People with Discouraged BPD frequently rely on people-pleasing behaviors or over-apologizing to maintain relationships. For instance, Sarah, a college student, avoids conflict by apologizing constantly, even when she hasn’t done anything wrong. She often agrees to plans despite feeling exhausted, fearing her friends might leave her otherwise.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and other therapeutic approaches can help individuals with Discouraged BPD challenge their negative thought patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and foster self-compassion.
2. Petulant BPD
Petulant BPD is defined by feelings of frustration and anger, particularly stemming from unmet expectations. This subtype can show up in erratic behaviors and turbulent relationships.
Petulant BPD often arises from early life experiences where needs for validation or emotional security were not consistently met. This can lead to a deep-seated fear of abandonment and an intense need for control in relationships as a way to cope with feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy.
Petulant BPD Common Traits
- Mood swings with quick transitions from charm to hostility
- Episodes of passive-aggressiveness
- Lashing out when feeling unacknowledged
- Desire for control in relationships, often paired with feelings of inadequacy
Coping Mechanisms:
For Petulant BPD, mindfulness practices and communication skills training can be vital tools. Structured therapy can help individuals regulate emotions and express their needs more constructively.
One scenario is with our client, Alex (Name is changed for privacy purposes)
Alex has frequent highs and lows in his relationships. After feeling ignored by his partner during a conversation, he alternates between angry outbursts and silent treatment, despite an underlying fear of being left.
3. Self-Destructive BPD
This is one of the hardest types of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). People with this type often turn their emotions inward, leading to harmful behaviors. These feelings, like guilt, anger, or sadness, can cause actions that hurt their mental, emotional, and physical health.
Self-destructive BPD often stems from deep feelings of unworthiness, unresolved trauma, or a lack of healthy coping mechanisms for intense emotions. These individuals may internalize blame or pain, believing they deserve punishment, which can drive harmful behaviors.
Common Traits:
- Doing risky things like using drugs, spending too much, or unsafe relationships.
- Putting others first while ignoring their own needs.
- Thinking about or doing things that harm themselves.
- Avoiding to ask for help, even when they’re upset.
How Different is Self-Destructive BPD from Depression?
Self-Destructive BPD can look like depression because both involve feelings of guilt, sadness, and even self-harm. But they are different. Depression often causes a low mood and low energy, while Self-Destructive BPD has big mood swings and impulsive actions.
High-functioning depression adds another layer of complexity—it often goes unnoticed because individuals appear to function well on the surface while battling constant feelings of emptiness, low self-worth, and fatigue. Unlike Self-Destructive BPD, high-functioning depression lacks intense mood swings and impulsive behaviors but shares an undercurrent of self-criticism and emotional struggle. People with Self-Destructive BPD, however, often experience extreme emotions that can lead to self-harm behaviors, setting it apart from the more subdued yet chronic nature of high-functioning depression.
How to Cope:
Writing in a journal, practicing mindfulness, and setting boundaries are useful self-care habits. Having a support system, like friends, family, or accountability partners, can also make a big difference. Small steps toward self-care and kindness to oneself are important.
Self-Destructive BPD can be managed with therapy and support. With the right tools, people can learn healthier ways to cope and live a better, more balanced life.
4. Impulsive BPD
Impulsive Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) stands apart from other subtypes, such as Discouraged or Self-Destructive BPD, by its focus on sensation-seeking behaviors and spontaneity, which can lead to harmful consequences. Individuals with Impulsive BPD often find it difficult to control their actions, prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term benefits, a tendency supported by studies linking impulsivity in BPD to impaired decision-making processes in the brain.
Common Traits:
- Impulsive decisions, such as unplanned trips or risky purchases
- A constant need for instant gratification
- Difficulty considering the consequences of actions, leading to risky behaviors
- Frustration or even anger when faced with situations they perceive as dull or unengaging
Coping Mechanisms:
Managing impulsive tendencies requires self-awareness and structured strategies. Setting clear boundaries, identifying personal triggers, and introducing mindfulness techniques can help curb impulsivity. Research suggests Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is highly effective, as it focuses on emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and goal-setting. Enlisting the support of a trusted therapist can provide stability and help individuals develop healthier patterns of behavior over time.
Learning about the traits and coping skills of Impulsive BPD can help you understand yourself better.
Want to find out which BPD type matches your experiences? Try our easy and helpful test!
4 Types of BPD Test: Which One Matches Your Experience?
Take this quick self-reflection to understand which type of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) aligns most with your experiences.
Answer the questions below and see where you resonate the most:
- Do you often feel intense anger, frustration, or difficulty controlling your impulses?
- Yes, I struggle with this daily.
- Sometimes, but not all the time.
- Rarely, but I feel emotions very deeply.
- No, I tend to withdraw instead.
- When overwhelmed, do you find yourself detaching or “shutting down” emotionally?
- No, I usually react outwardly.
- Yes, I often feel numb and disconnected.
- I react inwardly but stay highly emotional.
- I withdraw completely and isolate myself.
- How do you react to conflict or fear of abandonment?
- I lash out or express anger quickly.
- I internalize everything and blame myself.
- I become anxious and overthink the situation.
- I avoid addressing it and distance myself.
- Do you experience frequent mood swings or periods of emotional intensity?
- All the time, it feels constant.
- Sometimes, but I tend to bury my emotions.
- Yes, but I try to control or hide it around others.
- Rarely, I often seem emotionally detached.
Results:
Mostly A’s: Impulsive BPD
You may struggle with intense emotions, impulsivity, and difficulty controlling anger or frustration.
Mostly B’s: Discouraged BPD
You might feel withdrawn, detached, and experience deep feelings of shame or self-blame.
Mostly C’s: Petulant BPD
You could experience anxiety, fear of abandonment, and overthinking in relationships or situations.
Mostly D’s: Self-Destructive BPD
You may withdraw, isolate yourself, and experience a pattern of self-sabotaging behavior.
Note: This test is only a guide and not a diagnostic tool. If you’re concerned about BPD or your mental health, consider a psychiatric evaluation and reach out to a mental health professional for support.
Good Read: How to Know If You Are Dating Someone with BPD
Understanding BPD Subtype Overlaps: What You Need to Know
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex condition with different subtypes, like impulsive, discouraged, self-destructive, and petulant. Each subtype has unique traits, but they also share many common struggles. Let’s break it down.
- Big emotions: People with BPD feel emotions much more strongly than others. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or excitement, these feelings can be overwhelming and hard to control.
- Fear of abandonment: A deep fear of being left or rejected is common in all BPD subtypes. This can show up in different ways, like anger, withdrawal, or harmful behaviors.
- Relationship struggles: Relationships can be intense and unstable. People with BPD may cling to others, pull away, or have trouble balancing their emotional needs with healthy boundaries.
- Confusion about identity: Many people with BPD feel unsure about who they are, which can lead to feelings of emptiness or constant change in how they see themselves.
These shared challenges make BPD hard to fully categorize. For example, someone with Petulant BPD may show controlling or angry behaviors, while also struggling with self-destructive tendencies, which is more common in another subtype.
Why It Matters
Understanding these overlaps helps people with BPD get better support. Subtypes are helpful guides, but they don’t define the whole person. The key is focusing on the individual and their unique needs.
If You or Someone You Love Has BPD
Remember, BPD is treatable. Therapy, medication, and self-care can make a big difference in managing symptoms and improving quality of life. If you’re seeking help, know that these shared traits can provide a starting point for understanding and healing.
Practical Steps to Manage BPD Challenges
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the emotional and relational difficulties of BPD, here are actionable steps to help:
Educate Yourself About BPD Subtypes
Learn about the subtypes and their common traits, but focus more on individual behaviors and experiences rather than strict labels. Resources like the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) offer reliable information on BPD.
Work With a Mental Health Professional
Because BPD is complex, a proper diagnosis and treatment plan from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist is critical. They can provide therapy and treatments that are proven to help individuals regulate emotions and improve relationships.
Develop Coping Skills for Intense Emotions
- Practice grounding exercises, like deep breathing or engaging your senses, to manage overwhelming feelings.
- Use journaling or mood-tracking apps to identify emotional triggers.
Strengthen Relationship Boundaries
- Be open with loved ones about your needs and limits.
- Seek family or couples therapy if relationships are a significant challenge.
Consider Peer Support Groups
Connecting with others who share similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation. Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offer support groups for individuals and families.
Seeking Help: The First Step Toward Progress
It’s important to remember that BPD doesn’t define you or your loved one. Recognizing overlaps in subtypes can guide you toward personalized treatment and support options.
For more resources on BPD, visit trusted organizations like NAMI or the [National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/). Taking the first step to seek professional help can make all the difference in navigating life with BPD.
Moving Forward with BPD
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can feel overwhelming, but you can live a better life. Understanding the different types of BPD—Discouraged, Petulant, Self-Destructive, and Impulsive—can offer valuable insight into your experiences and help you identify your strengths. This self-awareness can be a powerful first step toward healing and personal growth.
BPD is treatable, and many people learn to manage symptoms with the right combination of therapy, resources, and support. Building healthy relationships and achieving personal goals is possible with time and effort. Every small step matters, and recovery is a journey of courage and resilience.
Remember, you are not defined by your struggles. Healing is a process. If you’re ready to take that first step, consider reaching out to a mental health professional near you. With the right support, brighter days are ahead.
