How to Get Over Someone: Expert Tips for Moving On After a Breakup

How to Get Over Someone: Expert Strategies for Moving On After a Breakup

The struggle of how to get over someone is real. You've probably read countless articles since you broke up, desperately searching for answers on how do you get over someone you once loved. You must be tired of figuring out how to stop missing that person and wondering when the pain will finally end.

At Empathy Health Clinic, we understand that learning how to get over someone is one of life's most challenging emotional journeys. Whether you're recovering from a long term relationship or a shorter romance, the post breakup period can feel overwhelming, confusing, and isolating.

But here's the truth: while there's no magic formula for instantly getting over someone, there are proven, expert-backed strategies that can help you heal, process your emotions, and rebuild your life. This comprehensive guide will walk you through how to get over someone with compassion, science-backed techniques, and practical steps you can start implementing today.

Understanding the Heartbreak: Why Is It So Hard to Get Over Someone?

Before diving into how to get over someone, it's important to understand why post breakup healing is so difficult. The answer lies in both psychology and neuroscience.

The Science of Attachment and Loss

When you're in a long term relationship with romantic partners, your brain forms powerful neural pathways associated with that person. These connections involve:

Dopamine Release: Being with your partner triggers dopamine—the "feel-good" neurotransmitter—creating positive associations and even addiction-like patterns.

Oxytocin Bonding: Physical intimacy and emotional closeness release oxytocin, the "bonding hormone," which creates deep attachment.

Shared Identity: Over time, your identity becomes intertwined with your partner's, making the post breakup period feel like losing part of yourself.

Routine Disruption: Romantic partners become integrated into your daily life, and losing those routines can be disorienting.

When a relationship ends, your brain experiences withdrawal symptoms similar to those from addiction. This is why you might feel sad, anxious, or even physically ill during the post breakup period—it's not weakness; it's neurobiology.

Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, explains, "Romantic love is one of the most powerful brain systems. When you're rejected by someone you love intensely, your brain treats it similarly to physical pain."

Grief Stages After a Breakup

Learning how to get over someone means understanding that you'll likely move through stages of grief, similar to mourning a death:

1. Denial: "This can't be happening" or "We'll get back together" 2. Anger: Frustration at your ex-partner, yourself, or the situation 3. Bargaining: Thinking "if only I had done X differently" 4. Depression: Deep sadness, withdrawal, feeling sad frequently 5. Acceptance: Coming to terms with the reality and looking forward

These stages aren't always linear—you might bounce between them. Understanding this helps you be patient with your healing process.

Learn more about processing difficult emotions

How Do You Get Over Someone? 12 Expert-Backed Strategies

Now let's explore practical, proven strategies for how to get over someone and move forward with your life.

1. Accept Your Feelings (Don't Rush the Process)

The first step in how to get over someone is accepting that it's okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion. Many people try to rush their healing, but suppressing emotions only prolongs the pain.

What to do:

• Allow yourself to cry when you need to
• Journal about your feelings without judgment
• Acknowledge that healing isn't linear—some days will be harder than others
• Give yourself permission to grieve the relationship and the future you imagined

Remember: There's no "right" timeline for getting over someone. Whether it was a long term relationship or shorter romance, your feelings are valid.

2. Implement No Contact (It Really Works)

One of the most effective strategies for how to get over someone is the "no contact rule." This means:

• No texting, calling, or social media messaging
• Unfollowing or muting them on social media
• Avoiding places where you're likely to run into them
• Not asking mutual friends for updates about them

Why it works: Continued contact keeps reopening the emotional wound and prevents your brain from breaking those attachment neural pathways. No contact gives you space to heal and helps your brain begin forming new patterns.

How long? Most experts recommend at least 30-60 days of no contact during the initial post breakup period, though some relationships require longer.

3. Remove Reminders and Create New Spaces

Your environment plays a huge role in how to get over someone. Constant reminders of your ex and romantic partners from the past make moving forward much harder.

Practical steps:

• Box up photos, gifts, and mementos (you don't have to throw them away, just remove them from sight)
• Rearrange your living space to create a fresh environment
• Create new routines that don't involve your ex
• Change your phone wallpaper and ringtones if they're associated with your ex

The goal isn't to pretend the relationship didn't happen—it's to create space for new experiences and prevent constant reminders from disrupting your healing.

4. Feel Your Feelings (But Set Time Limits)

Part of how to get over someone involves fully processing your emotions, but it's important not to get stuck in rumination.

The "feeling time" technique:

• Set aside 15-30 minutes daily specifically for processing your post breakup emotions
• During this time, let yourself feel sad, cry, journal, or sit with your feelings
• When the time is up, engage in a different activity
• This prevents endless rumination while still honoring your need to grieve

Why it works: It gives you permission to feel your feelings without letting them consume your entire day.

5. Reconnect With Your Identity

After a long term relationship with romantic partners, you may have lost touch with who you are outside the relationship. Rediscovering yourself is crucial for how to get over someone.

Rediscovery actions:

• Revisit hobbies you enjoyed before the relationship
• Try new activities you've always wanted to explore
• Spend time on interests your ex didn't share
• Reconnect with friends you may have neglected
• Set personal goals unrelated to relationships

One client shared: "After my breakup, I realized I'd stopped playing guitar—something I loved. Picking it back up helped me remember who I was before the relationship and gave me something positive to focus on."

6. Lean on Your Support System

You don't have to figure out how to get over someone alone. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of post breakup recovery.

How to get support:

• Reach out to trusted friends and family
• Join support groups (in-person or online) for people navigating breakups
• Consider therapy or counseling for professional support
• Be honest about what you need—whether that's distraction, a listening ear, or just company

Important: Choose supportive people who validate your feelings rather than those who minimize your pain with phrases like "just get over it" or "plenty of fish in the sea."

7. Practice Self-Compassion (Not Self-Criticism)

Many people struggle with how to get over someone because they're too hard on themselves during the post breakup period. Self-criticism only adds to your suffering.

Self-compassion practices:

• Talk to yourself as you would a dear friend going through the same thing
• Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes in relationships
• Recognize that heartbreak is a universal human experience
• Forgive yourself for anything you wish you'd done differently

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion (not self-esteem) is the key to emotional resilience during difficult times.

8. Take Care of Your Physical Health

The post breakup period often leads to neglecting physical health, but your body and mind are connected. Taking care of yourself physically supports emotional healing.

Physical self-care:

• Maintain regular sleep schedules (even when you don't feel good)
• Eat nutritious meals regularly
• Exercise—even just walking can improve mood
• Limit alcohol and avoid using substances to numb pain
• Stay hydrated and get fresh air daily

Why it matters: Exercise releases endorphins (natural "feel good" chemicals), while sleep deprivation and poor nutrition can worsen depression and anxiety.

9. Challenge Idealization and Remember Reality

When figuring out how to get over someone, it's common to idealize your ex and the relationship, remembering only the good times. This makes moving on harder.

Reality checks:

• Write a balanced list of positive AND negative aspects of the relationship
• Remember specific conflicts or incompatibilities
• Recall why the relationship ended
• Acknowledge that if it was truly meant to be, it would have worked

This isn't about vilifying your ex—it's about seeing the relationship realistically rather than through rose-colored glasses.

10. Avoid Rebound Relationships (At First)

While you might think a new relationship is the answer to how to get over someone, rushing into another romance often backfires.

Why rebounds can be problematic:

• You may be using someone else to avoid processing your pain
• You bring unresolved baggage into a new relationship
• You may repeat the same patterns that led to the previous breakup
• It's unfair to a new partner who deserves your full emotional availability

Better approach: Take time to heal and rediscover yourself before pursuing new romantic partners. Many experts suggest waiting until you can go days without thinking about your ex before dating seriously again.

11. Create New Positive Experiences and Memories

Part of how to get over someone involves creating new, positive associations that aren't connected to your ex.

New experience ideas:

• Travel somewhere you've never been (even a weekend trip to a nearby city)
• Take a class or workshop to learn something new
• Volunteer for a cause you care about
• Say yes to social invitations (even when you don't feel good initially)
• Set and achieve small personal goals

Why it works: Creating new memories helps your brain form fresh neural pathways not associated with your ex, gradually replacing old patterns.

12. Consider Professional Therapy

Sometimes, how to get over someone requires professional support, especially if:

• You're experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety
• The post breakup period extends beyond what feels manageable
• You notice patterns of unhealthy relationships repeating
• You're having difficulty functioning in daily life
• You're using unhealthy coping mechanisms

Therapeutic approaches that help:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge negative thought patterns
• Attachment-based therapy to understand relationship patterns
• EMDR for processing traumatic relationship experiences
• Group therapy for shared support

Explore therapy options at Empathy Health Clinic

Common Mistakes When Trying to Get Over Someone

Understanding what NOT to do is as important as knowing how to get over someone. Avoid these common pitfalls:

1. Staying Friends Too Soon

While you may eventually be able to be friends with an ex, attempting friendship immediately after a long term relationship usually prevents healing. Give yourself significant time apart first.

2. Social Media Stalking

Constantly checking your ex's social media prolongs your pain and prevents you from moving forward. Unfollow, mute, or block as needed.

3. Using Alcohol or Substances to Cope

While it might temporarily help you feel good or numb the pain, substance use interferes with genuine healing and can lead to additional problems.

4. Isolating Completely

While you need alone time to process, complete isolation can worsen depression. Maintain some social connection even when you don't feel like it.

5. Comparing Your Healing to Others'

Everyone's timeline for getting over someone is different. Don't judge your healing based on how quickly others seem to move on.

How Long Does It Take to Get Over Someone?

One of the most common questions about how to get over someone is: "How long will this take?"

Unfortunately, there's no universal answer. Factors that influence your healing timeline include:

• Length of the relationship: Long term relationships typically require longer healing periods
• Level of attachment: How emotionally invested you were
• Who initiated the breakup: Being dumped often takes longer to process
• Support system: Strong social support accelerates healing
• Previous relationship patterns: Unresolved issues may extend recovery time
• Personal coping strategies: Healthy coping speeds recovery; avoidance delays it

General guideline: Some experts suggest it takes about half the length of the relationship to fully heal (so a 2-year long term relationship might take 1 year to get over). However, this is just a rough estimate—some people heal faster, others need more time.

What matters most isn't the timeline but whether you're actively engaging in healthy healing practices.

Signs You're Healing and Moving On

How do you know if you're successfully getting over someone? Watch for these positive signs:

• You can think about your ex without intense emotional pain
• You're genuinely happy about your own life and future
• You're interested in meeting new people (not necessarily dating, but open to connection)
• You've stopped checking their social media
• You can feel good about things unrelated to relationships
• You've established new routines and habits
• You're sleeping better and taking care of yourself
• You can see the relationship realistically (both good and bad aspects)
• You've forgiven both yourself and your ex
• You're focused on personal growth rather than dwelling on the past

When to Seek Professional Help

While most people can navigate how to get over someone with time and support, professional help is important if you experience:

• Persistent depression that interferes with daily functioning
• Suicidal thoughts or self-harm urges
• Inability to function at work or in daily responsibilities
• Substance abuse as a coping mechanism
• Physical health decline due to post breakup stress
• Patterns of toxic relationships that keep repeating

There's no shame in seeking help. Therapy can provide tools, perspective, and support that dramatically accelerate your healing.

Schedule a consultation with Empathy Health Clinic

The Bottom Line: You Will Get Through This

Learning how to get over someone is one of life's most painful but important growth experiences. While right now it might feel impossible, countless people before you have walked this path and emerged stronger, wiser, and more resilient.

Remember these truths:

• It's okay to feel sad during the post breakup period
• Healing isn't linear—there will be good days and hard days
• You deserve to feel good again, and you will
• This ending creates space for new beginnings
• You are stronger than you know

Whether you're healing from a long term relationship or a shorter romance with romantic partners, be patient with yourself. Use the strategies in this guide, lean on your support system, and trust that with time and intentional healing practices, you will move forward.

The question isn't just "how do you get over someone"—it's "how do you use this experience to become a more whole, authentic version of yourself?" That's where real healing lies.

FAQ: How to Get Over Someone

How long does it take to get over someone you loved?

There's no fixed timeline for how to get over someone, but many experts suggest approximately half the length of the relationship. A long term relationship of 2 years might take about 1 year to heal from. However, this varies greatly based on individual factors, attachment style, and whether you're using healthy coping strategies.

Is it normal to still miss someone after months?

Yes, it's completely normal to miss someone months after a post breakup period, especially if it was a long term relationship with romantic partners. Missing someone doesn't mean you're not healing—it means you shared something meaningful. The difference is that as you heal, the intensity and frequency of missing them decreases.

Should you stay friends with your ex?

Friendship with an ex is possible for some people, but it's generally not advisable immediately after a post breakup period. Most experts recommend at least several months (or longer for long term relationships) of no contact to allow proper healing before attempting friendship.

How do you stop thinking about someone constantly?

To stop obsessing over someone: practice the "scheduled feeling time" technique (set aside specific time to think about them, then redirect your thoughts), stay busy with meaningful activities, remove reminders from your environment, practice mindfulness meditation, and use the "thought stopping" technique when rumination begins.

What's the fastest way to get over someone?

There's no "fast" way to genuinely get over someone—healing takes time. However, you can support your recovery by: implementing no contact, removing reminders, leaning on friends, practicing self-care, staying busy, avoiding social media stalking, and considering therapy. The goal isn't speed; it's healthy, complete healing.

Is it okay to date someone new to help get over your ex?

While it might be tempting, most relationship experts advise against using a new relationship to get over someone. Rebound relationships often fail because you're not emotionally available and may be using the new person to avoid processing your pain. It's better to heal first, then date when you're truly ready for new romantic partners.

Why do I still love someone who hurt me?

Love doesn't disappear immediately after someone hurts you, especially in long term relationships. Attachment, shared history, and neural pathways in your brain keep those feelings alive for a while. It's normal and doesn't mean you should go back to them. With time, no contact, and healing practices, these feelings will fade.

Take Your Next Step Toward Healing

If you're struggling with how to get over someone and finding it difficult to cope with the post breakup period, professional support can make a significant difference. At Empathy Health Clinic, our compassionate therapists specialize in helping individuals process heartbreak, understand relationship patterns, and build resilience.

You don't have to do this alone. Whether you're recovering from a long term relationship or need support navigating complex emotions, we're here to help you heal and move forward.

Schedule a consultation today to begin your journey toward feeling whole again.

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