The struggle of how to get over someone is real. You’ve probably read a ton of these articles since you broke up. You must be tired of figuring out how to stop missing that person.
At Empathy Health Clinic, we know breakups and losing someone can feel hard, and we’ve helped many people feel better after tough times. We know that moving on isn’t about forgetting someone. It’s about turning sad feelings around and becoming a stronger person. You’re here because you want to be happy again, and we want to help you.
Let’s start this together, and find out how to move forward and feel better than ever!
How to Get Over Someone You Love: The Beginning
- “I love him so much, I can’t imagine living without him.”
- “The pain is too much, I can’t handle this.”
- “I don’t need anyone else, he’s all I need.”
These words, said right after a breakup, show a heart hurting a lot. They’re a normal way to try and hold onto what you had, to not believe it’s over.
When going through a break-up, you want someone to make you feel better. It’s human instinct. They try to console you and help you move on by telling you what to do.
They say, “Do this, do that, and you’ll feel better.” And yes, you should do things like “spend time by yourself” and “hang out with friends.” We’ll talk about those things as we go along, but now let’s focus on the beginning phase of getting over someone.
The truth is, when you first break up, no list can make it all better. It’s a really sad time. It’s when you miss them so much, it hurts like a punch. You feel empty inside. You remember how their hand felt in yours. You hear their laugh in your head when no one is there. Then you feel that deep throbbing pain in your chest.
That kind of hurt? You can’t just think your way out of it. Your brain knows they’re gone, but your body and heart still want them back. It’s like you’re sad for a future that won’t happen. You’re sad that “we” became “me.” You wake up, and for a second, everything is okay, and then the sad truth hits you again.
These are all valid emotions and the first phase of moving on starts with “feeling the emotions”.
Related Article: 7 Signs of a One Sided Relationship & What to Do Next
Why Losing a Relationship Hurts So Much
Have you heard the saying, ‘No man is an island.’? There’s a basis behind it.
As humans, we crave connection; we need to feel that our lives have meaning. This isn’t just about our friends and family, but also our jobs, our sense of identity, and the things we value.
How to Get Over Someone You’re Attached To
So, when we lose a significant relationship, it’s like losing a core part of what made our lives feel meaningful. We lose a piece of ourselves. Our relationships, our sense of purpose, and our understanding of who we are become suddenly confusing.
That emptiness you feel? It’s like a void has opened up inside. You might question your identity, feel like nothing matters, and even wonder about the point of everything. This kind of prolonged sadness can lead to a desire to rewind time, to desperately try and ‘fix’ what’s broken in an attempt to return to a familiar sense of happiness.
You Have To Accept Things To Move On
But healing isn’t about rewinding. It’s about accepting that a part of your life has changed, that a piece of yourself feels lost. This acceptance, though painful, is the first step towards building a new life and moving forward. It’s about acknowledging the loss, honoring the past connection, and then slowly, with time and self-compassion, rediscovering your sense of wholeness.
Remember: This beginning phase is messy, unpredictable, and intensely personal. There’s no right or wrong way to navigate it. It’s about surviving, one breath at a time, one moment at a time. It’s about recognizing that healing isn’t linear, that there will be good days and terrible days, and that’s okay.
How to Get Over Someone Requires New Source of Purpose
When you’re trying to get over someone, the common advice is to surround yourself with caring people. While this makes sense, it’s crucial to understand why it works. It’s not a quick fix for the loneliness you might feel, nor is it simply a space to endlessly rehash your breakup.
Instead, connecting with supportive individuals actively helps you rebuild the sense of meaning the breakup stripped away. Think of it as reclaiming solid ground after someone pulled the rug out from under you. You’re not just distracting yourself; you’re fundamentally restructuring your emotional landscape.
Want To Know How To Move On?
To effectively do this, you must consciously shift your focus. Don’t let every interaction revolve around your past relationship.
- Process, don’t dwell: Talking about your feelings is necessary to understand and move through them. Use these conversations to process what happened, not to endlessly replay the past.
- Create new, distinct connections: Build relationships that are entirely separate from the person you lost and the person you were within that relationship. This is crucial for establishing a new sense of identity and purpose.
Why is this so important? Alex Regan from Empathy Health mentions, “When you lose someone close, you lose a part of what made your life feel meaningful and who you thought you were.”
By building new friendships and connections, you start to focus on different things, find new happiness, and grow into a stronger, better you.
Understand The Real Reason Of The Break-Up
To truly move forward, we need to confront the reality of our past relationship, not just the idealized version we cling to. It’s tempting to tell ourselves, ‘We were perfect! They just didn’t see it.’ But that narrative rarely tells the whole story.
We often fall prey to selective memory, romanticizing the past. We convince ourselves, ‘It was mostly good, right? Sure, there were rough patches, but overall, it was amazing.’ However, our memories are unreliable narrators. They tend to highlight the positive, reinforcing our desire to believe in a lost ideal.
The Dangers of Toxic Relationships
If you find yourself unable to acknowledge any flaws in the relationship, it’s worth examining whether it was truly as idyllic as you remember. Perhaps it even contained elements of toxicity. Toxic relationships thrive on drama, creating a cycle of highs and lows that can become addictive. Over time, we may begin to normalize unhealthy behaviors, mistaking jealousy, control, or hurtful words for signs of love.
Recommended Read: How to Leave a Toxic Relationship: Find Support and Begin Healing
Here’s a crucial truth: relationships rarely end due to a single person’s fault. They dissolve because two individuals are ultimately incompatible. It’s a difficult pill to swallow, especially when you’re the one left behind, but sometimes, a breakup is an inevitable outcome.
Instead of focusing on blame, try to gain clarity:
- Balance the good with the bad: Actively recall the challenging moments alongside the positive ones.
- Objectively assess their actions: Were they consistently kind, respectful, and supportive?
- Reflect on your emotional well-being: Did the relationship foster happiness, security, and personal growth?
Accept the Reality
By confronting the relationship’s reality, you can begin to understand the underlying reasons for its demise. This understanding, while painful, is essential for healing and moving forward.
It allows you to break free from the cycle of idealized memories and recognize that the breakup, (even if it is hard) may have been necessary for your long-term well-being.
It’s not about assigning blame, but about gaining clarity. This clarity is a necessary step to healing.
You Can Get Over Someone By Investing in Your Emotional Wellbeing
Taking time for yourself after a breakup, especially a toxic one, is often debated, but it’s fundamentally crucial. When your identity has been deeply intertwined with a relationship that’s ended, you face a unique opportunity: rediscovering who you are outside of that dynamic.
Rushing into a new relationship to fill the void is a common impulse, but it’s rarely a healthy one. Without understanding your own needs and desires, you risk repeating the same patterns that led to the previous relationship’s failure.
A lack of self-awareness is often a significant contributor to relationship breakdowns.
Investing in yourself means tackling a journey of self-discovery. It’s about understanding:
- Core Identity: Who are you independent of a partner? What are your passions, values, and interests?
- Your Emotional Needs: What do you require to feel secure, loved, and fulfilled?
- Set Boundaries: What are you willing to tolerate and what are your non-negotiables?
- Your Relationship Patterns: What role did you play in the previous relationship? What can you learn from it?
- Know Your Self-Worth: Recognizing that your happiness and fulfillment are not contingent on another person.
This process requires solitude and reflection.
According to Helpguide Organization, only by spending time alone can you truly connect with your inner self, break free from codependent tendencies, and develop a strong foundation of self-love. It’s about building a healthy inner relationship, so that future connections are built on a foundation of wholeness, not neediness. When you know yourself, you are less likely to fall into toxic patterns again.
Related Story: Is Codependency Bad?
How To Rebuild Your Emotional Wellbeing After a Break-Up
Everybody who goes through a breakup can testify to how tough it is. How to get over someone you love requires a lot of work, but you can do it.
Here’s how to start rebuilding your emotional well-being:
1. Let Yourself Feel:
- It’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, or even a mix of all those things. Don’t push your feelings away. Let them come up, and let them pass.
- Find healthy ways to express your emotions: write in a journal, listen to music, or talk to a trusted friend.
- Remember, there’s no “right” way to feel. Everyone heals at their own pace.
2. Focus on Self-Care:
- Treat yourself like you would a good friend who’s going through a hard time.
- Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and moving your body. Even small things like a walk in the park can make a difference.
- Do things that bring you joy: read a book, take a bath, watch a funny movie.
- Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for healing.
3. Reconnect With Yourself:
- This is a chance to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.
- Think about the hobbies or interests you used to enjoy. Pick them up again, or try something new.
- Spend time alone, but not in a lonely way. Use this time to reflect and get to know yourself better.
4. Build a Support System:
- Surround yourself with people who love and support you.
- Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. They can offer a listening ear and helpful advice.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to go through this alone.
5. Set Small, Achievable Goals:
- Don’t try to rebuild your life overnight. Start with small, manageable goals.
- Maybe it’s going for a walk every day, or trying a new recipe, or calling a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Each small victory will help you build confidence and momentum.
6. Practice Patience and Self-Compassion:
- Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself.
- Don’t beat yourself up for having bad days. They’re a normal part of the process.
- Talk to yourself kindly, like you would to a friend.
7. Find New Sources of Meaning:
- As discussed before, you need to rebuild your sense of identity.
- Volunteer, join a club, take a class. Find activities that give you a sense of purpose.
- Focus on your personal growth and development.
8. Limit Contact (If Necessary):
- If seeing or talking to your ex makes you feel worse, limit contact.
- Unfollow them on social media, and avoid places where you know they’ll be.
- This gives you space to heal and move forward.
Remember, rebuilding your emotional well-being is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs. But with time, patience, and self-compassion, you will heal and build a stronger, happier you.
Must Read: How Long Does It Take to Fall in Love?
Moving Forward: Healing and Hope
How to get over someone you love is a process, not a switch you can flip. It requires time, self-compassion, and a willingness to rebuild your life and sense of self. You’ve learned that healing involves more than just distraction; it’s about confronting your emotions, understanding the relationship’s reality, and actively creating new sources of meaning.
Remember, rebuilding your emotional well-being is a journey with ups and downs. There will be days when the pain feels overwhelming, and that’s okay. Allow yourself to grieve, to feel, and to process.
However, if you find yourself struggling to function in your daily life, if the sadness deepens into a persistent sense of hopelessness, or if you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, please know that you don’t have to face this alone.
How to Get Over Someone Is Doable
At Empathy Health Clinic, we understand the complexities of heartbreak and the importance of professional support. If you’re struggling to get over someone and feel like you’re spiraling into a depressive state, consider reaching out to a therapist. We can provide a safe space for you to process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and rediscover your path to healing.
Don’t hesitate to seek help; your mental health is a priority, and you deserve to feel whole again.
