Why Coping with Grief During the Holidays After a Child Loss Matters

Coping with grief during the holiday season can be overwhelming, especially after the loss of a child. 

It is a time of year that is supposed to be filled with joy, love, and family. However, for those who have lost a loved one, the holidays can bring up painful memories and emotions.

Having worked with clients who have experienced this type of loss, we at Empathy Health Clinic understand how difficult it can be to go through the holiday season.

That’s why we wanted to share some tips on how to cope with grief during this time.

Understanding Grief

Grief is one of the most complex emotional processes humans experience.

Scientifically, it’s our mind and body’s response to loss, affecting us mentally, emotionally, and even physically.

When someone experiences grief, the brain’s limbic system (responsible for emotions) kicks into overdrive. Key areas like the amygdala and prefrontal cortex work overtime, leading to heightened emotions, stress, and difficulty processing what’s happened.

The loss of a child, in particular, is considered one of the most intense forms of grief.

Research shows that parental grief often triggers a surge in cortisol, the stress hormone, which can cause symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, or even a weakened immune system. Neurologists have found that such grief lights up areas of the brain associated with physical pain, which is why people often say it feels like their heart is breaking—it’s not just a metaphor.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, renowned grief counselor and author, explains that grief from this type of loss “is not something you ‘get over,’ but rather something you learn to live with.” 

But what makes grief so hard to pin down is how differently it affects people.

There’s no “one size fits all.” For some, it’s crying and anger; for others, it’s numbness or avoiding the subject altogether. Psychologists believe this uniqueness is tied to our past experiences, personality, and even our brain’s wiring.

Coping with Grief During the Holidays 

Why is it important to discuss grief during the holiday season?  

The holidays are usually about joy, connection, and celebration, but for anyone coping with grief, they can hit differently. The festive cheer, twinkling lights, and endless traditions can sometimes make feelings of loss, sadness, or loneliness even harder to handle. 

How Do I Cope With Grief During the Holidays?

If you’re grieving during the holidays, just so you know, you’re not on your own. 

It’s alright to feel off while the rest of the world seems to be celebrating. Instead of pushing those emotions aside, try leaning into them and finding ways to manage the season on your terms.

Here are some simple ways to cope with grief this holiday season:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in coping with grief during the holidays is to acknowledge your feelings. You can feel sad, angry, or even jealous when seeing other families celebrating together. Allow yourself to grieve and don’t feel guilty about it. Give yourself a break if needed. Skip the events or traditions that feel overwhelming. It’s okay to say no. Grief is exhausting, and taking care of yourself should come first.

Remember that grief is a natural part of the healing process.

2. Find Support

Seek out support from friends and family members who understand your loss and can offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes, just having someone to listen can make a huge difference. If you don’t have anyone close to talk to, consider joining a support group, seeking therapy, or connecting with an online community of people going through similar experiences.

3. Create New Traditions 

If old traditions feel overwhelming, consider starting new ones that honor your loved one in meaningful ways. These acts can help keep their memory alive and foster a sense of connection during difficult times. 

Honoring and Remembering 

Finding ways to honor your child can provide comfort and a sense of closeness, keeping their presence alive in your life. Here are some ideas to consider: 

• Create a Memory Ornament: Decorate your tree with an ornament that symbolizes their life or something they loved, keeping their memory close during the holidays. 
• Light a Candle: Set aside a special moment to light a candle in their honor. Use this time to reflect quietly or share cherished stories with family and friends. 
• Support a Cause: Donate to or volunteer with a cause that was meaningful to them. Turning your grief into an impactful tribute can bring a sense of purpose and connection. 
• Write a Letter: Put your thoughts and feelings into words or write the message you wish you could share with them. Writing can be a powerful and healing form of remembrance. 

These small yet meaningful traditions can help honor their legacy while providing moments of comfort and connection during the holidays.

4. Practice Self-Care

Even tiny moments of self-care can help. Go for a walk, journal your thoughts, or take a breather when things feel too much. Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. For more self care tips for those who are grieving, you can check this article. 

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means carrying their memory with you in a way that brings comfort, even in tough times.

This season, be kind to yourself.

How do you help someone deal with grief?

If you have other children, their grief may look very different from yours. According to Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a leading expert in traumatic grief, “Children grieve in spurts—they may appear fine one moment and deeply bereaved the next.” 

How to Help Siblings Cope 

• Open Communication: Encourage them to talk about their emotions and remind them that their feelings are valid, no matter what they are. 
• Create Space for Memories: Invite siblings to share memories of their loved ones or participate in honoring traditions they feel comfortable with. 
• Child-Friendly Support Resources: Consider art therapy or child-centered grief groups to help younger children express what they may struggle to verbalize. 

Supporting others in their grief not only helps them feel seen but can also provide comfort and clarity for your healing journey. Grief doesn’t have to be faced alone. By leaning on and helping each other, the path forward can become just a little easier. 

FAQs: Coping with Grief During the Holidays After Losing a Child

To provide guidance and support, we’ve answered some of the most common questions to help you find ways to cope, honor your loved one, and seek comfort during this profoundly challenging time.

Is it normal to feel sad during the holidays? 

Absolutely. The holidays can bring up bittersweet memories, and it’s totally normal to feel sadness, even if you’re also trying to enjoy the season. Grief doesn’t take a break, no matter what the calendar says.

How do you cope with grief during the holidays? 

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but give yourself grace. Set boundaries, skip traditions that feel too heavy, and lean on your support system. If you need a moment to cry or just sit in silence, take it. You’re not obligated to “fake it” for anyone.

What are the three C’s of holiday grief? 

The three C’s—Choose, Communicate, and Comfort. Choose what feels manageable, communicate your needs to loved ones, and prioritize self-comfort. Whether it’s saying no to a party or lighting a candle in memory of your child, it’s about finding what works for you.

What is the best way to cope with grief? 

There’s no “best” way, but finding something meaningful often helps. Create a ritual to honor your child, talk to a therapist, or just take things one day at a time. Everyone’s grief journey is different, and that’s normal.

Why are holidays hard after losing a loved one? 

Because holidays are full of traditions and memories, and when someone’s missing, the void feels even bigger. It’s like the world is celebrating while you’re carrying this heavy weight. 

That feeling is understandable since grief is part of love after all.